Facets of Tulpamancy - Michael's perspective

Just gonna sprinkle some of Amalia's pictures throughout. She likes making these.

 Greetelings, Misters and Mistresses! Michael here.

So, it's occurred to Amalia and me that despite having "Tulpa" in the name of the blog, and despite being largely open about being plural, we haven't actually wrote any dedicated blog posts about the topic.

So we figured we might want to catch up on that a bit. We decided that each of us would write a post where we'd go through some of the various aspects of plural life. That way, you get a look at a range of topics, some of them from her perspective, some from mine.

Before we get started with that, though, i suppose we might want to give a quick crash-course to those of you who might be reading this with no knowledge of what a Tulpa actually is (Or worse, the internet taught you that it's some kind of occult or supernatural creepypasta nonsense!). So, let's give you a little....

Part 1:

-Crash course on tulpas and plurality-

Well, the concept of plurality is one that describes multiple minds, personalities or entities inhabiting the same body. A bit like imaginary friends, though usually a bit more.... "advanced".

Let's mark down some terms, keeping in mind that different people will use these in different ways, because everything in this field is extremely individualistic.

People like us usually refer to themselves as "systems", "plural" or sometimes also as "multiple". The person who originally existed within the body (like me) is known as the "host".

These "other inhabitants" as it were are referred to by various terms:

        -"Headmate" (Like roommate, geddit?) is a good, general term to describe any kind of co-inhabitant.

   -"Thoughtform" is an alternative general term, and Amalia's preferred one, as it happens.

-"Tulpa" is a specific kind of headmate, one that has been deliberately created through various techniques.

         -"Alter" is a term that seems quite specifically used by systems who's origins are in DID or similar conditions.

Besides those, there's a millionty billion words that refer to different concepts and subcategories relating to this topic, but this is just meant to be a small overview, so let's not go too crazy, here.

Now, most people have heard of DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder, which is a form of plurality that typically comes about through traumatic experiences.

I only bring this up in order to stress that tulpamancy is -not- DID. It'd feel quite disrespectful to DID-systems to claim such a thing. (And indeed, there's been some gate-keepyiness with this stuff, so i wanted to point it out right away.)

We didn't suffer any major trauma, our plurality is not a defensive response, and neither is it something unwanted, or something we are "suffering from", as it were.

Instead, a tulpa is a deliberately created entity. Indeed, creating a tulpa, at least in my experience, takes a fair bit of serious effort, patience and dedication.

Effectively, what you're trying to do is to take a portion of your brain-power and train it to think from the perspective of a different person. It sounds weird, because it is.😉

But the idea is that eventually, after employing various practises to achieve this goal, your brain gets so used to thinking about things from this second perspective that it happens automatically.

And voilá, there it is. What you have there is a second mind that now thinks for itself without conscious effort from you, and starts developing on it's own, alongside you.

For example, it might decide that it's a she, and she might come up with a name for itself if you haven't given her one. Amalia liked the one i gave her, so she kept it.

I also had a rough mental image of what a she might look like (a so-called "form"), which she used as a base to refine into her own way of representing herself.

So, you might be wondering why one would do such a thing.

Well, it depends. Some people try tulpamancy in order to alleviate loneliness. Likely an okay solution, actually. I can personally confirm that we're literally always both present to at least some degree, so loneliness simply doesn't exist in our life at this point. Though generally, some human contact with people -outside- of your own head is still recommended to stay, you know, sane.

In the process of creating the tulpa, you can also quite heavily impact how they'll think and what they'll be like, so some people use it to try and bring characters from various media to life. 

Just for the record, i didn't do this with Amalia. All the way through her creation, rather than saying "Here's what Amalia would think about this.", i took the approach of asking "What -would- Amalia think of this?". Thus, she developed quite freely and independently, able to form her own opinions and thoughts quite early on.

And as a result, she's now utterly creeped out by the whole concept of "moulding" tulpas like that. >_>

Anywho, my reason for creating Amalia was arguably a little flimsy, but it worked out: I was simply curious.

I've been into some esoteric stuff like hypnosis for a long time, and the concept of tulpamancy came up here and there. And well, one day, i decided to take the plunge, get serious and try it. Now, 4 years later, i'm used to sharing my literal everything with an invisible head-ghost who turned us into a WH40k nerd and convinced me to start releasing our own music, together. (Yep, t'was her idea!😉)

Okay, this section is already longer than intended, but there's one last important thing i want to communicate:

I mentioned we'd both be writing a post like this. And when i say this, i don't mean that Amalia will tell me what to write for her.

We are in fact a switching system, meaning that yes, we not only share our body, but also control of it. On a regular basis, whichever of us is at the wheel will take a step back and let the other take over. (Also known as "fronting") I know it sounds weird. And again, that's because it kind of is. Can't really compare it to anything a non-system might experience. But it feels quite natural to us, so we started doing it fairly early on.

So yes, when you read a post by Amalia, it was in fact written by her personally. Just uh, using the same set of fingers i'm writing this with, right now. Honestly, sometimes being plural is pretty cool just because you get to say freaky stuff like that.😜

But yeah, with all that out of the way, let's get into what these posts are actually meant to be about, which is highlighting different facets of plural life from our two perspectives. Now, my next topic here is:

Part 2:

-Tulpa creation/Becoming plural-

So, i've sort of touched upon the general concept of how to make a tulpa up above, but what's it like to actually experience this stuff?

Well, it can be quite different from system to system.

Arguably, it's perhaps somewhat similar to becoming a parent. In fact, much like a parent, i've had regular moments when i was wondering if i'm doing things "right" at all, of if i'm just completely bungling it all up.

But, while there's very different experiences out there, in those moments, when you look at community posts to see how other systems got past certain hurdles and such, you often find comfort in seeing your own experiences reflected in other system's formation.

Though, just for the record, i really don't like thinking of myself as a "creator" or, even worse, Amalia's "father" or anything like that. I know it's technically correct of course, but pretty much from the moment i started to realize that she's capable of independent thought, i really pushed for the idea of us being equal parts of a team. Anything else would've just felt wrong.

But yeah, in practical terms, for us, it involved a lot of me, asking "What would this Amalia person think of this?". Sometimes casually, other times during deliberate meditation exercises. At first of course, you have to fully answer those questions yourself, because well, your tulpa isn't there to answer, yet. But gradually, as you start building up an image of what they're like and how they think, that changes.

Your brain starts adapting and forming opinions for your tulpa without you even consciously asking those questions. Thought processes are starting to happen in the background.

And (here comes the spooky bit) you start to get some thoughts and sensations that don't quite feel like your own. Because well, they really aren't. You can try to provide some guidance, and you definitely want to be supportive and encourage those thoughts. Or well, i did, at least. I wanted a healthy, independent tulpa with her own views and opinions, not some kind of predetermined character.

Eventually, she started talking. And when i say talking, i mean thinking, but deliberately directing those thoughts at you, and kind of "wrapping them up" in a mental vocalization. A mind-voice, just how you tend to internally vocalize your thoughts in your own voice.

Actually, since i hadn't really given Amalia much of a base to work with in this regard, it took her a good while of figuring out what she wants to sounds like. For a while, it became her habit to try different voices and modulations while we were in bed, nodding off.

She settled on a fairly high-pitched voice, but still sounding mature. Not quite cutesy per say, but definitely not smoky or anything. Obviously her and i are the only ones who'll ever be able to actually hear it, so you'll have to take my word for it.😛

Anyhow, if i detail everything about Amalia's creation and development, this post would take a full day to read, and these are just meant to be insights into some facets of our plurality, so let's move on to:

Part 3:

-Socializing internally-

So! Yes-or-no: Is talking to your tulpa in mind-voice the same as talking to yourself?

Trick question, it's both yes and no. See, obviously, with us both sharing a brain, our conversations are, of course, more or less a very elaborate version of just thinking about something. Effectively, it's contemplation with some very complicated extra steps. So yeah, much like talking to yourself, internally.

But then, while you might guess what their answer is going to be, you never quite know. Sometimes they might say something that'll surprise you, which is something that can only really happen when you're talking to..... well, you know, a different person.

Those are my favourite moments between us, actually. You see, a huge part of making a tulpa is doubt. Doubting yourself, doubting your tulpa, doubting that you're doing anything other than convincing yourself of something that isn't actually happening.

....... and then Amalia will tell a joke. A joke i didn't even begin to think of, and a joke that'll actually make me laugh.

Or she'll offer up a view of a situation that i genuinely hadn't considered at all. Or she'll give me her opinion on something, and it turns out to be rather different to my own. 

I've lived with Amalia for years, and we've had countless moments like that. Moments where she proves, sometimes deliberately, sometimes purely by accident, that my doubts are unfounded and i am, in fact, talking to another person. Or entity. Or another intelligence. Let's leave the semantics aside, you get what i mean.

Now, that's all quite deep and meaningful. Unlike a lot of our conversation, actually!😉

Don't get me wrong, we do share deep talks, but when you're together literally 24/7, you can't always have meaningful conversation. Often, we'll talk about mundane stuff, like what's for dinner, or asking each other's opinions on the book we're reading or the like. Often, one of us will engage in some enthusiastic nerd-ramblings about video games, flight sims and what have you, while the other listens and indulges them.

There's also times when we don't talk at all. Not because we had a fight or anything, but because well, sometimes we need to focus on work, or we're watching something and don't wanna talk over it. Come to think of it, it's all kind of.... normal. Almost suspiciously so.

Oh, since i mentioned fights: The internet sometimes likes to portray tulpas as dangerous things that are bad for your psyche because you'll be internally fighting and arguing all the time.

Now, while i'm sure people have had rather different experiences, i must say, Amalia and i...... haven't ever had a fight. Not even a heated argument. At most we had minor disagreements that are usually resolved quite quickly through compromises or deference.

You might say that's because we're kinda-sorta like two sides of the same coin, and there's probably some truth to that. We're both rather eager to please each other. Neither of us would want to initiate an argument, and we're both usually willing to defer and adapt for each other. Plenty of examples like that happening all the time.

Oh, also, she's much more headstrong than me, and i'll admit i can be a bit of a yes-man. So that's a reliable fallback dynamic.😜

A little something you might be wondering about: Yes, when we're alone together at home, whichever one of us is in front will sometimes talk out loud. Not always, and sometimes only selects bits and pieces of conversation, but we do in fact both do it. Though yeah, never in public, for obvious reasons.

And speaking of the public, let's talk about....

Part 4:

-The public's view of plurality-

Oh dear.

You know, we seem to enjoy a bunch of stuff that's grossly misrepresented and misunderstood by the general public.

I've been practising hypnosis in various roles and ways for a long time, which half the population seems to think of as weird, mythical hollywood mind-control nonsense. And for some years now, i've lived with a tulpa, which most people never heard of, and many who have only know it as some slenderman-esque, My-Little-Pony-related internet creepypasta-thing about supernatural demons that drive you crazy and eat your soul or something.

Just great. Thanks, guys.👍

Beware the evil creepypasta-daemon! Aaah, the horror.😐

Well, there's also the less extreme view that "It's not normal, and therefore i reject this entire concept. You're just faking it." A bit daft and dull, but at least those people will only think of you as a weirdo, rather than a dangerous freak.

Nice.😉

But seriously, if you're consider getting into tulpamancy, you do have to be aware that you're doing something well outside of social norms. It's just an unfortunate reality that in most situations, your plurality will be a topic you can't really bring up openly.

Which is..... not as bad as it sounds. Honestly. Because by in large, people are products of the culture and society they grew up in. If someone comes along and does something far removed from the cultural norms they're used to, you really can't blame 'em for reacting with confusion and potentially dismay.

A good while back, we read a book by Frederick Pohl called "Gateway", and in this book, there's a character who firmly believes in astrology. Now, the main protagonist doesn't believe in it at all, and and at one point, he tells her as much. Why am i telling you this? Because of the response:

"well, you don’t have to believe in the law of gravity to get mashed when you fall off a two-hundred story building."

See, that quote stuck with us. Not because we suddenly agree with her point of view, but because it very effectively showcases a simple little fact of life: Not everyone thinks the same as you do. Everyone has different lived experiences and reasons to believe what they believe, and you just kinda have to deal with that.

I see a bit of ourselves in that character's response. See, Amalia and i -know- that we're separate people, and we -know- how we function. If someone else doesn't "believe" that we're truly what we say we are.... well, they're simply wrong. And we can live with that.

To finish us off though, i'd like to move on to a bit more of a light-hearted topic and share:

Part 5:

-Some quirks of plural life-

In this part, i'll just quick-fire some bits and bobs. Fun little facts about our day-to-day life together, and the little curiosities that arise from our plurality. Like so:

- Amalia and i actually have a rough schedule for when we switch, and compared to some other systems, we do it quite frequently. On a normal day, we switch places 3 times, in order to share our time in front, as well as our workload about 50/50.

- Whichever one of us was in front when we went to sleep is usually also the one who wakes up in the morning. Accidental switching during the night does happen, but rarely. And it always feels like one of us accidentally committed theft. 😜

- Integrated into our little schedule is the fact that we take turns cooking dinner for each other. Before the last switch of the day, the fronter will cook/prepare dindins, and then we switch so that the other can eat. (We're both present for dinner of course, but it's the thought that counts!)

- This seems to be different for every system: Our switches involve a little ritual where the fronter relaxes and deliberately, consciously dissociates from the body, allowing the one in back to symbolically "slip into" the driver's seat.

- You can sometimes tell us apart by our hat. Amalia's favourite is our Stetson Hackberry (basically a cowboy hat), while i tend to go for our Bowler. Not a definite rule though, we could have switched since leaving the house, for instance.

- I mentioned i practise hypnosis. Well, we actually both do. Sometimes we let ourselves get hypnotized together with some homebrew self-improvement files, sometimes one of us hypnotizes the other directly. Yes, i was also surprised that that's possible at first, but it actually works quite well.

- While we as a system are very heavy on switching and sharing our body, there's plenty of things other systems do that we're terrible at, such as imposition (sort of "projecting" a hallucination of tulpa's form into the physical world) or building a permanent minscape/inner world.

- Amalia and i decided early on that we'd stay as a twofer. Don't want things to get crowded in here, you know.😉

- When we're out shopping, especially if we're buying multiples of one thing, we'll often take turns picking out flavours and such.

- We count weirdly. If we were to say, count out 50 pieces of a thing (common occurrence at work), then for example, i might count up the first 10 pieces, the Amalia up to 20, then i'll count up to 30, etc. Some other times, we both count together, in sync.

- Much like any good friends, we have -tons- of in-jokes and our own little slang words for stuff. Like tons. We're like a walking factory for that kind of thing.

 

- Y'know how yawning is infectious? Works for us, too. When one of us yawns, the other usually does too, shortly thereafter. Even if it's just in thought.

Right, i think imma call it there, then.

Hopefully you found all that interesting. Maybe even interesting enough to look forward to Amalia's turn to post some of her perspectives. Either way, if you want to know more about tulpas and all this stuff, here comes some info material:

First off, we actually published a video on this topic ages ago:

Other than that, here's a few websites:

Pluralpedia

Tulpa.info

The Tulpamancy subreddit

The Plural subreddit

Other places are available, but truth be told, we're not particularly active in the community. Ain't got much time for social media.😛

Anyhow, that'll be that for my post, here. Hope you have yourself a good day, week, month and whatnot. Until next time!😉